Nymphadora Tonks and the Teacakes of Camelot
by lightblue-Nymphadora
Summary: Ginny and Tonks take a vacation...to a very strange getaway. Silliness ahead. Ginny/Tonks ship. Post-war AU, written for the Iron Fic Challenge


**Nymphadora Tonks and the Teacake of Camelot**

"Would you relax?" Ginny asked gently, squeezing Tonks's hand. "We're supposed to be on vacation!"

"I know, I know," Tonks said, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry. I have trouble turning it off."

"I know. Hence the vacation."

It had been two and a half years since the Final Battle, and Tonks was still operating on high alert for the most part. It was understandable, the two biggest blood traitor families coming together due to their daughters' marriage? Bound to be a target for the, admittedly few, Death Eaters and sympathizers who got away. Still, things were winding down. After a grueling case that had taken Tonks to the US for a month, Ginny had put her foot down and insisted that they finally take their honeymoon.

So, here they were, walking hand in hand up the steps of an enormous castle in Wales. Tonks held the door open for Ginny and followed her into the cavernous front hall, looking around uneasily. She wasn't the greatest with surprises, and Ginny had kept her in the dark almost completely about their weekend getaway. The only things that she'd been able to coax from the younger witch were that that she'd need to be ready for lots of activity, and that Kingsley had suggested the place. Neither of these things did much to soothe the metamorphmagus. Still, it would be good to get away for a while, she supposed. Though the thought of leaving Harry and Seamus alone to play hell in the Auror department caused her skin to crawl whenever she thought about it….

A tall, thin man approached them with a smile. "Good morning," he said. "I am Otto Stannis, the Guest Director. And you must be Madames Nymphadora and Ginny Tonks?"

"Yes," Tonks said.

"Hi," Ginny said, waving.

"We're delighted that you've chosen to stay with us at Camelot." He shook both of their hands vigorously and nodded to the left hand hallway. "I've had your bags sent up already. If you'll follow me, I shall show you to your room."

They moved through the castle's eerily silent halls, Otto pointing out different places as they went along—banquet rooms, private dining rooms, library, etc. For some reason that she couldn't directly pinpoint, Tonks found him slightly creepy in the "Probably Harmless, but Let's Just Not Check the Basement, Okay?" sort of way. She put those thoughts from her mind, however, and resolved to have a fun weekend with her wife. Ginny would kill her if she didn't relax….

They ended up in a corner room on the third floor. It overlooked part of the garden and the lake. She could just see the lighthouse in the distance from the window.

"I do hope everything is to your liking," Otto said with a courteous bow. "If there is anything you need, feel free to ring the servants' bell, and the house elves will assist you."

At this, Tonks and Ginny shared a glance and a smile. They'd have to leave that bit from the recap when they saw Hermione.

"There is a welcome letter just there on your desk. Please read it before the evening meal. It will be served in the grand dining room at precisely six o'clock. Is there anything I can assist you with before I depart?"

"No, thank you," Ginny said, beaming.

"Have a pleasant stay," he said, bowing out of the room.

"This place is beautiful," Tonks said starting to unpack.

"It is," Ginny agreed. "And put that down. We need to read the welcome letter."

"He was serious about that?"

Ginny nodded and handed Tonks the envelope.

"What's with the look, Mrs. Tonks?" the older witch asked, smirking slightly. Ginny was looking at her expectantly, almost as if she knew some great secret that Tonks didn't. Thinking this over a bit, Tonks suspected she did. She had planned the vacation after all.

"Nothing!" Ginny chirped.

Tonks side-eyed her as she opened the letter with her wand.

_**Honored Guests,**_

_**We are thrilled that you have joined us for a wonderous adventure**_

"Adventure?"

"Keep reading!"

_**Camelot has many mysteries in store for you. Some you will discover on your own, and some will be brought to your doorstep in the course of your stay. Fear not, but do remain alert and watchful. There are surprises around every corner in our fair castle.**_

_**Sincerely, Arthur and Guinevere**_

"I'm confused," Tonks said, turning to Ginny. "What have you gotten us into, Ginevra?"

"Just a fun little mystery castle, Nymphadora." Ginny opened the windows and gazed out over the lake. "Don't worry. All activities are scheduled."

"Should I be worried?"

"Probably," she said with a grin. "But I promise not to let you get eaten by any monsters. Now come on; we need to get ready for dinner."

* * *

The banquet hall was set for about five couples. Ginny and Tonks took a seat next to an older witch and her husband, who became Tonks's second favorite person in the room by leading everyone in the drinking song "No One Knows Where to Put the Troll."

By the time the soup came out, a few other people were acting oddly. She could tell that Ginny had noticed too. This must be part of the mystery, she thought as the Countess Margoletta de Snumpf blew bubbles in her soup. Her Auror brain went into overdrive, but not panic. It was a nice change of pace, and she smiled as she tried to figure out what was going on, knowing that they were in no real danger.

The courses kept coming. Next hit was Mr. Bockleby and his wife with the bruschetta, then the Constances during the spinach and walnut salad. By the time the duck was served, she'd worked it out and whispered the puzzle's answer to Ginny. The happy drops (a simple euphoria potion, she suspected) were hitting every other person, and it was going in a circle around their place settings. She sat back smugly in her chair, passing on the fifth course of strawberry salad and sweet rolls.

"What is it?" she asked Ginny noticing the woman's smirk.

"Nothing. You figured things out rather quickly, don't you think?"

Tea and cakes were served.

"Just have to think things through logically," Tonks said, taking a bite of cake.

"And remember to count," Ginny said, not touching hers.

Tonks stopped chewing. She looked around the table, down at her plate, up at Ginny, and back around again. "I don't get it," she said, taking another bite of cake. It was rather good. Just a subtle hint of lemon, not too sweet. "What have I missed?"

"Tonks, you're giggling," Ginny said affectionately.

"Am I?" Oh no, she thought. "Where'd I get it wrong? Hurry and tell me before everything goes fuzzy. I can already feel my fingers tingling."

"They started doubling up during the pesto bruschetta," Ginny explained. "You had it all sorted up until that point, though."

Tonks sniggered, trying to fight the effects of the potion. Did they get their guests tipsy at every meal, she wondered. She only wondered very briefly, however, because by that point she'd basically lost the ability to care about anything. "Right. Forgot." She burst out into loud, boisterous laughter, hair going from green, to red, to orange, to pink, to silver tipped.

"They're quite a sight," Madame Petrie said with a smile. "Let's hope they're more on their guard tomorrow. I hear they have something planned for us in the maze."

"Oh, Merlin's pants…."

"We have to find Merlin's pants in the maze?" Tonks asked.

"By George, I didn't know the old boy had lost his trousers to begin with!" Mr. Constance shouted, laughing.

"I do think we should get them to bed," Baron de Snumpf said. "My wife and I come here once a year, and it does seem that they've made the dosage a bit stronger tonight."

"Right," Ginny said.

Tonks felt a hand on her shoulder and ceased to play drums with her knife and fork. "Hmmm?"

"Up to bed," Ginny coaxed, trying not to laugh. "Come on."

"Right-o!" Tonks stood and made to follow Ginny out, but ended up successfully tripping over a chair.

"Once more, with feeling," Ginny said.

"At least you can't say I'm not relaxing!" Tonks said, finding a silver lining through the pink haze of potion induced happiness. "Wait…was that your plan on along?" She tried to give Ginny what was probably a playful glare, but only succeeded in looking mildly constipated.

"Even drugged, you're highly suspicious…." Ginny rolled her eyes as they climbed the stairs. "And no. I'm just as surprised as you are. I'd probably be in the same predicament if you hadn't told me. That will teach you to get all cocky—attractive as I find it."

"I forgot they started spiking both plates," Tonks whinged. "Mad Eye would never let me live it down…."

"Yes, well…if you figure the out tomorrow, try not to forget. It is supposed to be our honeymoon, after all, and I'd like to shag you at least once before the weekend is out. Can't do that if we keep getting into the happy potion."


End file.
